Jewish Interfaith, Jewish Mixed Faith, and Secular Jewish Wedding Ceremony Planning Tip
Jewish Interfaith, Jewish Mixed Faith, and Secular Jewish Wedding Ceremony Planning Tip
Having officiated over 300 weddings (honestly I’ve lost count,) I’ve learned a few tricks of the trade and some useful hacks. Since I have a lot of experience with Jewish interfaith, Jewish mixed faith, and secular Jewish wedding ceremonies especially, I wanted to share a really useful planning tip for creating an inclusive ceremony for the non-Jewish guests (and secular Jewish guests who may not know much about Jewish wedding traditions.)
Create a wedding program!
I can count on one hand how many of my couples have use a wedding program (as in most don’t,) and in general I don’t think it’s necessary, but when you have multiple ceremony elements that require explanation, using a program to create context is a great way to go. It’s certainly better than explaining each ritual before you do it, because ceremony is about showing and not telling, about feeling the visceral immediacy of a ritual and not watering it down with words.
I’ve performed many Jew-ish wedding ceremonies where I shared a short paragraph about what we were doing before each ritual, and honestly, now that I know better, I think a wedding program is a much better way to go. Especially for rituals that happen before the official ceremony starts, or exist quietly in the background of the ceremonial space like the ketubah, circling, and the chuppah.
(If you are only including one Jewish ritual in your Jewish interfaith, Jewish mixed faith or secular Jewish wedding ceremony, then sharing a sentence or two about it in the ceremony works fine. But if there are multiple rituals, a well written wedding program is a great strategy.)
My suggestion is that you offer some general context about why a given ritual is done, but include some personal details, too. Making it personal means it’s more relatable, brings people in and makes them feel more included. Here’s one example:
Historically, in accordance with Jewish law, it was legally necessary to have a chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) for a marriage to be solemnized, and perhaps that is why it’s still an enduring symbol in Jewish wedding ceremonies worldwide. A chuppah is a holy awning, a consecrated space, and a protective structure. It is supported by four posts and open on all four sides. The chuppah symbolizes the home that the couple will continue together, filled with love, adventure, learning, and compassion. The groom’s father and two brothers have draped their tallitot (prayer shawls) on top of the chuppah. The groom will also be wearing a tallis during the ceremony, which he received as a gift from his grandparents at his Bar Mitzvah (teenage rite of passage) in Israel.