I'm Not Having A Religious Wedding Ceremony. What Should I Do Instead?

I'm Not Having A Religious Wedding Ceremony.

What Should I Do Instead?

Photo credit: Katherine Bree Walker Photography

The majority of couples I consult with know what they DON'T want for their wedding ceremonies, but very few of them know what they DO want.

This is often because they have limited (or no) experience of ceremonies that are not overtly religious. The awesome thing about not knowing what you want for your wedding ceremony is that it can be an incredible opportunity to get curious, be creative and really think outside the box.

Because these couples don't have a vision for what they DO want to experience - energetically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally or communally - they usually come to the officiant conversation with a list of rituals they *think* they want. Some examples include a hand fasting (appropriate much?), a unity candle (Christian wedding tradition popularized on General Hospital!) or a wine box time capsule thingamajig (IHNFI.)

Why do they want these specific rituals? For absolutely no reason! Most of the time it's because it was mentioned in some 'dime a dozen' wedding blog. They don't know the deeper symbolism or significance, and they don't know anything about the rituals origins.

(Honestly this is emblematic of a larger issue within the wedding industry. Newly engaged brides, planning a wedding for the first time, are susceptible to superficial trends! They saw something on Pinterest, read about it on The Knot, or on some other wedding "must haves" list and take it as gospel. They decide it's what they want even though there is no personal meaning behind it or connection to it.)

Having written and delivered upwards of 300 wedding ceremonies here's my advice:

Do:

Go into a conversation with your prospective wedding officiant with an open mind and a clean slate. Be willing to listen, learn, expand your notions and grow you perception of what a ceremony can be. Let yourself be pleasantly surprised!

Don't:

Go into the conversation attached to specific rituals or ceremonial elements UNLESS they have true relevance and meaning for you, i.e. I read about it on WeddingWire is not a good reason to include something!

Part of the problem with modern wedding ceremonies is that they lack vitality. It’s why we’re all so bored! They tend towards being rehashed, cliche, overdone… a mishmash and a hodgepodge. Sadly, when nixing religion, most couples believe their only alternative is to fill the empty space with anything they find on the internet. But ceremonies set the tone for the whole rest your wedding day (and the whole rest of your marriage) so - whether you have a lifeless, hands-of-marriage, unity candle, sand ceremony, wine box, first corinthians, unmemorable, been-there-done-that ceremony, or an enlivening, impactful, awe-inspiring, creative and original ceremony is entirely up to you!