Cere-Money: Reassessing The Value Of Ceremony
The Sacred and the Transactional
Talking about money and ceremony can feel awkward. But why? Maybe because the ceremony is meant to be sacred, and money… isn’t? Or because we don’t have a cultural framework for valuing the intangible — the internal, emotional, spiritual labor that goes into holding a moment with depth and meaning. It’s a strange tangle: the sacred and the transactional. But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.
After more than a decade in this work, I’ve had many conversations with couples about this very topic — and what follows is the distilled wisdom from those exchanges, sifted through experience and offered here with humility and honesty.
What We Say We Value vs. What We Budget For
Couples often tell me that their ceremony is the most important part of their wedding day. And yet, many hesitate to invest in their officiant the way they do with other wedding vendors — like the photographer, the venue, or the florist. This hesitation is often at odds with their own stated priorities.
I mean… if the ceremony is truly the heart of your wedding, shouldn’t the person crafting and delivering it be compensated with the same care?
When couples choose to align their spending with their values, they find that a skilled officiant is invaluable, delivering a ceremony that feels like a work of art.
“Thank you again for the amazing gift to us of that beautiful ceremony. It was art in action, and it was beyond meaningful.” —Erica, bride
Over the years, I’ve noticed a recurring pattern: couples say they deeply value their ceremony but don’t always realize how that value is reflected (or not reflected) in their budget.
So what does it really take to create a ceremony that feels meaningful and unforgettable?
What Goes Into a Ceremony You’ll Remember
For context, I take my work seriously. With over 350 ceremonies and more than a decade of full-time officiating behind me, I’ve poured an extraordinary amount of thoughtfulness, study, and depth into the art of ceremony. I don’t use gimmicks. I don’t rely on plug-and-play scripts, short cuts, or cheesy hallmark sentimentality.
I’ve spoken with many professional wedding photographers about what goes into their process — from client meetings to editing sessions — and I’ve realized that I’m putting in just as much time and energy. For every ceremony I lead, there are multiple meetings, reading through extensive questionnaires, providing expert vow guidance, custom script writing, and officiating the ceremony itself. The final ceremony may be 20–30 minutes long, but the work that goes into it is deep, layered, and time-intensive.
And yet, officiants are consistently the lowest-compensated vendors in the wedding industry.
It’s been painful at times to see how other creative, entrepreneurial wedding professionals are compensated for their work, while officiants are often overlooked or low-balled. This isn’t about self aggrandizement. It’s about honoring the emotional, spiritual, and practical labor involved in holding such a central role.
This Isn’t a Sales Pitch. It’s a Cultural Gap.
This blog isn’t about trying to justify my rates or “sell” the idea of spending a significant chunk of your wedding budget on a professional officiant. I’ve written plenty elsewhere about the value of a good officiant. This post is very specifically about the money part — about how weddings are budgeted for, and how the ceremony is (or isn’t) financially prioritized. I believe there’s a need for a cultural shift — a chance to re-imagine how we value the most meaningful parts of a wedding day.
If I charged the going rate that many fill-in-the-blank officiants charge, I'd be on food stamps. I don't mean this theoretically but factually. The quality of my work would suffer. I’d burn out, and the ceremonies I create would feel rushed, impersonal, and scripted.
Instead, I’ve chosen a different path — one of high-touch, high-integrity, slow-crafted ceremony. I offer something real. Something deep. Something lasting. I would rather pour myself fully into a smaller number of ceremonies each year than turn my work into a volume-based hustle.
I know every couple has their own budget and priorities. You won’t get a hard sell from me — just an invitation to get honest about what truly matters to you. Because I've spent the last decade listening to couples say they want a transformative ceremony and a transcendent rite of passage — and I’ve also seen how often that desire is not backed up with their allocations, or how it is treated like an afterthought.
Traditional clergy receive small honorariums for officiating, supported by communities that tithe over time. But as an independent, self-employed creative with no institutional backing, I charge in the same way other professionals in the wedding industry do — based on time, mastery and experience.
Couples who find their way to me aren’t looking for hierarchy, dogma, or crusty-dusty rituals that don’t match their vision, values or vibe. They want something fresh. Something alive. Something real. But often, their financial expectations haven’t quite caught up with that desire. They want the opposite of a clergy-led ceremony — but expect to pay "small donation to the church" prices. What they’re asking for is modern, unique, and deeply intentional — but sometimes they don’t realize what it takes to create that kind of experience from scratch, with no institution to supplement earnings and no formula to lean on.
So I’m asking couples to do the emotional labor. I’m saying that there’s something they want that’s different than the church ceremony — and yet, often, they don’t want to compensate for that difference. I’m asking couples to confront the incongruence.
In a culture that often places higher value on what's visible, shareable, or material, it can be easy to overlook the quieter, more soulful aspects of a wedding. A ceremony might not be something you can hold in your hands — but it can shape the entire emotional arc of the day and stay with you long after the flowers wilt and the music fades.
Rather than chasing quantity, I choose quality. I offer something one-of-a-kind — woven from your story, your ethos, your relationships and your moment in time. I work with couples who see ceremony not as a script to be recited but as a sacred threshold to be crossed.
A Thought About Budgeting and Priorities
If you’re currently navigating wedding budgeting, I invite you to pause and consider how your spending reflects your values. The venue, food, and photography are often budgeted for without hesitation — they’re visible, tangible, and expected. But the ceremony, while less “Instagrammable,” is often what people remember the longest (or forget quickest!) It’s the beating heart of the day — the moment everything else revolves around.
To put things in perspective, let’s get granular!
If your venue is $18,000 to $36,000 (or more) for a one-day event, and your photographer is $8,000–$18,000 for an 8-hour day, but a ceremony that costs more than a few hundred dollars is not factored into your budget — ask yourself why.
Many couples have told me that their ceremony was the most meaningful part of their day — but it’s easy to under-budget for something less visible, simply because our culture doesn’t model how to value it.
There’s no formula for what to spend. But as you allocate your resources, consider:
Are your financial choices aligned with what matters most to you?
Does your budget reflect not just cost, but care?
Does your officiant feel like someone you're trusting with the heart of your day — or just another line item?
These aren’t questions with right or wrong answers, but they are worth asking.
Real Talk
It’s not personal!
This blog is not directed at any one couple, but there is a cultural reckoning that needs to account for the discrepancy and for the shift.
Are you uncomfortable yet?
Now you know how I feel! I've held the awkwardness and the tension for the last decade. Now it's your turn. You have a different value system, you want a “slow ceremony,” and something truly memorable. This is an opportunity to walk your talk. Or at the very least do an honest accounting with your eyes wide open.
“Two years later, if we had to do our wedding all over again and had little money or had to choose between fancy food or venue you are the one thing I would choose every time! Your ceremony was just that - a real ceremony that was so deep and put this great love and intention into the world. I’m forever grateful and feel the impact on our everyday lives. We love you Naomi! You are so special to us!” —Angelina, bride