Jewish Wedding Ceremonies: A Rich Tapestry Woven From Many Threads
This blog gathers stories, rituals, and reflections from my years of officiating modern Jewish, Jew-ish, Jewish interfaith, queer-Jewish, and secular-Jewish weddings across California. From chuppahs in the redwoods to custom ketubahs, and seven blessings sung under open sky, this is a celebration of where and how ancestral echos meets contemporary resonance - a love song to culture, continuity, resilience, creativity, inclusivity and innovation.
Photo credit: Melissa Ergo Photography, Glen Oaks Big Sur, CA
My work is rooted in tradition and innovation, and my intention with Jewish weddings is to honor the rich cultural, historical and religious Jewish tapestry, and to create meaningful ceremonies for a diverse array of couples–from interfaith to secular to Jewitchy to LGBTQIA+ Jews who long to include a Jewish element (or ten) in their wedding ceremonies.
Jewish Tradition and Cultural Continuity
A traditional Jewish wedding is a tapestry woven from many threads: biblical, historical, mystical, cultural and legal - threads carried from one generation to the next, forming a chain of Jewish continuity which goes back thousands of years. It’s quite a thing that these thousands-year-old traditions are well intact despite expulsions and pogroms and attempts of all kinds to decimate it. That somehow, regardless of what gets thrown at it, these traditions, and the people who practice them, survive, endure and prevail l’dor v’dor (from generation to generation.) That’s a big part of what makes Jewish wedding ceremonies (even when they are more on the “ish” side) so beautiful and meaningful!
My story
I grew up ultra-orthodox in NY. I was born into a family of kohanim (Jewish high priests) and cantors. Because of my upbringing, I am intimately familiar with Jewish rituals and traditions. And, because I left that staunchly religious way of life to study world wisdom traditions and cross cultural spirituality, I also have an understanding of, and appreciation for, ceremonies and rituals that are innovative and inclusive.
One of my favorite things to do is to combine different expressions of lineage, heritage, religion, modern meaning and contemporary relevance in interfaith, mixed-faith, inter-spiritual, Jew-ish in modern Jewish weddings in California.
Photo credit: Vanessa Lain Photography, Sequoia Retreat Center, CA
What Goes Into A Jewish Wedding Ceremony?
We might sign a ketubah (a traditional marriage contract), but the text might be a modern rendering of these ancient words, written in English or Hebrew (versus Aramaic,) and with humanistic wedding vows, versus the more religious Jewish ones.
We might stand under a chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy,) which is perhaps the most universally recognized symbol of a Jewish wedding ceremony. A chuppah is a holy awning, a spiritually charged arena, a consecrated space, and a protective structure under which the divine presence can be felt. It was once legally necessary to get married under a chuppah in order for a Jewish marriage to be solemnized.
We might read or sing one or more of the sheva brachot (the seven blessings.) If only reciting one, I usually recommend that couples go with the seventh and final blessing, in which ten synonyms for happiness are named. In this blessing we reach the crescendo of joy, and the height of merriment! It's a jubilation, an exaltation, and a real raise the roof moment! I had my brother (a cantor) record the seventh blessing in traditional, ashkenazi operatic style, and it has been quite amazing to hear this ancient prayer resound through the California redwoods during wedding ceremonies I’ve officiated throughout the years.
We might break a glass at the end of the ceremony to signify the completion of the ceremony, and the beginning of the celebration, at which time everybody exclaims a loud mazal tov (Hebrew for congratulations!) There are many explanations for why this ritual is enacted, but one of my favorites is that it reminds us of the ephemeral nature of joy and to embrace it and celebrate it when we have it. 🎉
In one ceremony I officiated, the non-practicing Jewish groom wanted to “include a token nod to his faith in this otherwise goyishe ceremony.” We wove his sarcastic NY Jewish sense of humor, with his karate practice (specifically a forceful fumikomi stomp) into the breaking of the glass ritual.
“Naomi delivered a ceremony that was beyond anything we ever could have imagined. Without exaggeration, every attendee (including the vendors and support staff!!!) described our ceremony as one of the most touching, meaningful, intelligent, and overall loving ceremonies they had ever witnessed. And Naomi was at the center of it all.” -Maurice, groom
Jewish Wedding Traditions Reimagined for Diverse Couples
African-Jewish, Fall Equinox Ceremony at Sequoia Retreat Center 🌲✡️🧹🍁🕯️
Nathan and Alicia didn’t just want a wedding ceremony, they wanted a rite of passage. They chose the fall equinox - a harvest festival, a time to acknowledge the abundance in our lives and offer gratitude for what we have. The theme of gratitude was woven throughout their entire wedding ceremony.
We offered gratitude for the redwoods, for their families, for the groom’s grandfather who survived the Holocaust and lived to see his grandson get married, that we lived at a time when a white Jewish man and a Black woman of African descent could freely get married, and for the fact that Alisha’s date thankfully stood her up on the night she and Nathan met!
Their ceremony was rich in ritual and symbolism. There was a chuppah made from materials collected around the world and woven with love and prayers. A tallit Nathan first wore at his bar mitzvah. An ancestor altar, candle holders passed down, squash and leaves in honor of the season. Seven blessings that rang through the trees. A glass that got broken, a broom that got jumped.
The jumping of the broom, a tradition that originated in Ghana, was honored as a way of sweeping away aspects of the past and uniting their families. The couple’s broom was handmade with branches gathered by both families. After the ceremony, guests were invited to write notes of blessing to tie to the broom.
I also told their love story: off key jam sessions, mid-day dance parties, an overabundance of gummy bears, a Cabo San Lucas proposal — and a whole lot of outrageous love and laughter.
“The ceremony was an incredible, momentous occasion that she led and culminated to another level by connecting so much wisdom. Thank you so much! I told my Mom after that it was the most beautiful moment of my life. We feel blessed and as we move forward with our next chapter, we feel so honored and lucky to have Naomi help us along the way. Like seriously, Naomi culminated so much ancient wisdom and modern wisdom it made me feel as if our paths were meant to be connected. She combined my Jewish faith and my wife’s African heritage in a way so romantic and beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. It was a humanistic awe inspiring moment for all in attendance.” -Nathan, groom
Jewish-Catholic Interfaith Wedding at Rancho Soquel ✝️✡️☀️
It was one of those terrifically hot July days at Rancho Soquel. I was grateful to be standing under the handmade chuppah with the couple because of the shade it provided. Their guests weren’t as lucky!
Hannah and Hayden asked me to include symbols, readings, and rituals from both of their traditions - but not just tossed together haphazardly. I asked a lot of questions to understand what each element meant to them so that everything included had depth and dimensionality.
I also told their love story - from how they met to the ambitious millennials they’ve become.
“Naomi was a wonderful part of our wedding. It is difficult to put into words how much we appreciate her and how much she made our day special. This is due to the hard work of Naomi and her ability to get to know us as a couple and weave together a beautiful interfaith ceremony.” — Hannah, bride
Photo credit: Blake Weber Photography, Rancho Soquel, CA
College Sweethearts LGBTQIA+ Jewish Wedding at Camp Kennolyn 🏳️🌈✡️
Jordan and Felicia met at 19 and have been growing up—and growing into themselves—together ever since. Their relationship is built on emotional maturity, mutual support, and deep friendship, forged through early long-distance challenges, and years of honest communication. From college sweethearts voted “Best Couple,” to real-life partners navigating chronic health conditions, graduate school, and daily life, they’ve created a relationship marked by tenderness, resilience, humor, and care. Their wedding ceremony at Camp Kennolyn included standing under a chuppah, signing a ketubah (which we read during the ceremony,) and various other Jewish wedding rituals.
From the ceremony: “Jordan and Felicia signed their ketubah (marriage contract) yesterday before shabbat. They co-wrote it based on their core commitments and aspirations for their marriage. During one of our meetings, when we were talking about their ketubah (also known as a brit ahava or a “love contract”) Jordan inadvertently referred to it as a “brit a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-va” – which really encompasses the energy between Jordan and Felicia, permeated, as it is, with love, commitment, humor and lightness.” 🤣
“In the chaos that can be planning and having a wedding, Naomi was a rock, grounding us in what mattered. The process of working with her to plan our ceremony was meaningful in and of itself, allowing us to reflect on our journey up until that point and focusing us on the ‘why’ of the wedding. Our ceremony was beautiful beyond belief; It was both heartfelt and funny, poignant and down to earth. It was also true to us and our story, integrating aspects of our identities (Judaism, queerness, disability, etc) in respectful and meaningful ways. Afterward, we lost track of the number of people who told us that it was the best wedding ceremony they had ever been to (many adding “including my own.”)” -Felicia, bride
Jewish wedding at Marin Art & Garden Center ✡️🎨🪴
Adrienne and Jeff chose to include modern, humanistic and egalitarian adaptations of various Jewish rituals in their wedding ceremony at Marin Art & Garden Center.
While Adrienne didn’t actively practice her Judaism at the time of their engagement, Jewish values underlie and inform many of her actions and decisions. Rites of passage like marriage can really clarify one’s values, priorities and beliefs—and the wedding planning process helped Adrienne embrace a bit more of her spirituality, and remind her of all the ways her life already reflects the tenets of the Torah. She also wanted to include Jewish rituals as a way to invite Jeff more fully into a culture he was only partially familiar with, honor the traditions of her parents, grandparents and beyond, and keep the door open to raising their children Jewish.
They stood under a chuppah, which was draped with the tallit (Jewish prayer shawl) Adrienne's father received from his father, and which he wore at his wedding ceremony, and with the tallit that Jeff's father wore at his Bar Mitzvah in Jerusalem. They also signed a ketubah, had various family members come up and read modern adaptations of the 7 blessings in English, and broke a glass to end the ceremony. One of their wedding vows included the concept of Tikkun Olam (the repair of the world.)
“Without Naomi, we may have had any other run-of-the-mill wedding ceremony. Instead, and because of her, we have the most spectacular memories to look back on of a ceremony that was truly and completely “us.” I cannot express enough how grateful I am to have had Naomi as our officiant - she gave us the most sincere and warm welcome into the start of our married life.” -Adrienne, bride
West Coast Jewish 🧘♀️ “yoga bride” marries Asian American New Yorker at The Hollins House
This ceremony at The Hollins House included it all—a few mindful breaths, several Yiddish words, a couple of Thích Nhất Hạnh quotes, a stunning version of the gayatri mantra for Michelle’s walk down the aisle, a chuppah, a mala, smudging, and anointing. Alan also stomped on the glass. (Even though Michelle is the one who is Jewish—this ritual is traditionally performed by men, and in any case, Michelle’s very sexy shoes would not have been appropriate footwear for glass breaking!)
Note to Jewish brides: if you want to break a glass, plan your footwear accordingly. Open toed heels + shattered glass do not a good combination make—unless you want to skip the reception and spend your evening in the emergency room.
💡Tip: most glasses will not break when stepped on, so be sure to use a light-bulb or a specialty glass (found on Amazon) for this ritual.
From the ceremony: “Marriage is the amalgamation of differences into something unified, cohesive and whole. And indeed, it’s the intention of this ceremony to facilitate the blending of an irreverent east-coaster-turned-tree-hugger, and a Bay Area Jewess with a strong devotional yoga and mindfulness practice; of a petite and graceful professional-dancer, and a six foot tall Chinese guy who is built like an ex-linebacker; of a woman who likes presenting, public speaking and performing, and generally being in the spotlight, and an introvert who strongly dislikes dressing up or being on display; of a woman who spends hours of her time in contemplation, meditation and prayer in order to stay centered, and a man who always carries the exact same knife and a picture of his former dog, Liberty, in his pocket in order to feel balanced. No doubt you will find that this ceremony reflects the uniqueness of Alan and Michelle’s relationship - their histories, beliefs, values, affinities, quirks and friend groups, and of course, their dreams and wishes for a bright future together.”
“Naomi, the ceremony was BEYOND. It was everything I’d hoped for, and more than I could have imagined. It absolutely felt like a ritual, rite of passage, and sacred ceremony... exactly what I wanted it to be AND somehow more than I thought it could be. It was the most special moment of my life.” -Michelle, bride
Jewish Elopement Ceremony at Sand Rock Farm 🍎🍯
Sarah Jain and Dan had been together for 10 years when they reached out to me. They wanted to find a meaningful mark their union. Sarah Jain told me, “I want to ritualize our deep love, trust, and all-around ease of our partnership. To put it simply: our soft-but-seismic love deserves a rite of passage.”
They chose Sand Rock Farm wedding venue for their elopement. We included various Jewish and earth based rituals in their ceremony. Dan is Jewish and Sarah Jain is not. Their vows included beautiful words about offering each other safety and belonging. During his vows, Dan wrapped Sarah Jain in his tallit - a symbolic gesture of that safety and belonging. It was a beautiful moment to behold.
I also fed them some honey.
From the ceremony: “In addition to today being the autumnal equinox, also known as Mabon, this ceremony takes place in proximity with the full harvest moon, as well as Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year. At Rosh Hashanah Jews wish each other a “Shana tova ve metuka!” A good and sweet new year. They eat honey at Rosh Hashanah as a ritualized way of invoking future sweetness—of willing a sweet new cycle for themselves. So I offer you some honey, to imprint and insist on sweetness for your marriage.”
“When we tied the knot, we’d been together for nearly a decade, and we had no idea how to ritualize the love we share for each other daily. Lucky for us (and you), distilling relationship into ritual is where Naomi shines. Our ceremony was meaningful, deep, reverential, and fun, with Naomi at the helm. She worked with us to extract the essence of who we are and what we value as a couple and wove it into a ceremony that we’ll cherish for the rest of our lives.” -Sarah Jain, bride
Planning Tip: Ceremony Programs for Jewish Interfaith & Secular Jewish Ceremonies
While most couples choose to forgo wedding programs nowadays, they occasionally come in handy, and this is one of those time when they do.
A wedding program can be very helpful for Jewish-interfaith, Jewish-mixed faith, and secular Jewish couples where multiple Jewish wedding rituals are included. A good program can offer guests context without interrupting the immersive flow of the ceremony. I do my best to include personal relevance in the ceremonies and in the program, this way we’re not just talking about some decontextualized Jewish wedding ritual, we’re talking about why it’s significant to the couple and/or how the couple made the ritual their own…
For example: “Historically, in accordance with Jewish law, it was legally necessary to have a chuppah for a marriage to be solemnized... The groom’s father and two brothers have draped their tallitot on top of the chuppah. The groom will also be wearing a tallit during the ceremony, which he received as a gift from his grandparents at his bar mitzvah in Israel.”
Photo credit: Weddings by Guru, Marin Art & Garden Center, CA
Jewish Joy, Cultural Pride, Safety and Visibility
I love the depth, diversity, and enduring beauty of Jewish culture and wedding traditions. In a time of rapidly rising antisemitism, it feels especially vital to make space for joy, cultural pride, and visibility. The surge in Jew hatred makes safe spaces more important and necessary than ever, and I’m deeply committed to helping Jewish couples feel safe, seen, and celebrated, and to creating ceremonies that honor Jewish customs and traditions.
Whether you’re including sheva brachot (seven blessings), breaking a glass, signing a ketubah (Jewish marriage contract), blending multi-faith traditions, or reimagining Jewish wedding rituals in your own unique way, I’m here for it. Jewish wedding rituals carry profound spiritual beauty and ancestral wisdom. But they are more than just beautiful rituals — they are acts of survival, continuity and resilience. It’s a privilege to be part of that.
The Absence of Jewish Solidarity in the Wedding Industry 💔
I consistently see wedding vendors using their platforms to stand for immigrant rights, celebrate LGBTQIA+ love and affirm black lives. All of which I support.
But I can’t help noticing what’s missing.
In a moment of rampant antisemitism—where synagogues need armed guards, where Jewish college students are afraid to be publicly Jewish, where a Canadian senator recently said that Canada is no longer safe for Jews…
Not a whisper.
Not a post.
Not a statement.
Wedding vendors continue to profit from Jewish weddings—while failing to show even the most basic solidarity with Jewish people.
On May 21, a young, about-to-be-engaged Jewish couple were murdered in cold blood simply for being Jewish. The silence from the wedding industry was deafening.
It has been heartbreaking to see the exclusion, hypocrisy, and discrepancy.
I see these businesses proclaim inclusion and safety for all—but they don't seem to remember that Jews are part of that all.
You can’t claim to stand for love and justice while making Jewish pain invisible.
I pray that the tide will turn in the wedding industry and in the world. Regardless, I will always be a proud Jewish woman, and a staunch advocate and ally to couples looking to include Jewish traditions in their wedding ceremonies.
🎧 Need some comic relief?
Got a Jewish mother? Planning a Jewish-ish wedding? Check out The Too Jewish Wedding.